About the hardest poem I wrote

This poem is long and complicated but still a favorite of mine. I worked so hard on it so I'm not sure how I can't love it. 

This is about all the times we feel like we are falling into depression.  I pictured a broken bridge symbolizing the unresolved conflicts or events in my life. I reflected on my abuse, depression, and old demons. Doing this normally not only creates a inner conflict but usually a burning anger. The blame put on yourself and the fury you have that the obligation to bare it is there at all. 

 A conflict between getting better by enduring or suffering longer inside if you back away from the challenging task. I swore it was my fault but to conquer the doubt I have to accept the voices were never mine. I couldn't let sadness and anger decide the life I was living. The ultimate question after you push through and maybe even find others like you struggle what do you do then. Personally I met people who didn’t how to break through the line of fire demons lit for them. I didn’t make them see anything different I dints tell them a magic way. 

Being there and supporting another is all one can do. Like conquering your fears to help someone through their own fears or enduring pain to keep someone else from suffering. Being there and supporting is as important for your mental health to overcome as it is for them to see it. It’s hard to decide to put yourself in that position instead of hoping you’re the one being helped so I can’t say how that is determined. 

I think when the darkness come back and keeps showing up the chills and the madness inside stirs it’s not being away of it that helps most it’s sharing and not being afraid to make sure you use it. Use it to build up something strong to lean on because your life doesn't have to be glamorous for you to do something important with it.  Reach out and make sure anyone you see down has gotten up before leaving them. That is all I think we can do and if they amazingly make it out that’s big enough to make it all worth it.

To me my actions today are apart of the decisions made in the past years, decades, even. I may not know fully where something now relates to the past but I realize even as small as I am in this big universe I can make a difference. If a mean phrase can hurt someone for years then a really positive action can do the same the difference is the chain reaction. I like to imagine this even if no one else does because it helps me make sure I’m always smiling or ask how someone is. I consider my life and make sure no one is ignored if they have a need. I cant reach everyone but i can do what I do to anyone I meet. 

I hope you find this in the poem and that it helps you see things differently or agrees with your views. 

Not Just A Battle, This Is War

I am driven to the edge             

Plunged into a choppy sea           

Traveling an endless stretch            

Ending up at places of wonder      

Places where bridges sit            

Yet no water passes under       

Here is where I divide     

Crossing shadowed land      

Where demons hide                

Fears no one likes to face       

Swim away or turn around      

Can't go alone face-to-face     

Whispers of reasons     

Reminding me how I got here    

Twisting my gut in treason      

Stepping into the shadow 

Urged to push through

I can’t survive if I wallow

Self-pity turns into strength

I battle with anger and sadness

Yet this heart has more depth

More courage than before 

More love than hate

More understanding than before

Those observers who saw nothing

Day or night unaware 

Yet swearing they saw everything

Those wounds that broke open

From sour words that stung

Instead of soft words spoken

Love that never lasted

No mother, sister, or friends

If I felt love they felt distracted

Trapped into caring no longer

Once removed their burden eased

Each venom or burn was stronger

Under a never burning bridge

The demons blaze with a fury

I fight to escape without a singe

I wish to make it to the other side

Where the water can refresh me

For in these shadows I can't hide

To my left a wall of fire traps another

To my right more demons

In front the escape I would rather

Yet past the wall of fire I leap 

Wipe the tears away

To pull her from a trench so deep

How could I turn away and run

We all need a little light

To be free to live in the sun

Finally at the edge between 

We look back to our demons 

Never beaten but left unseen

We dive into a sea 

Refreshed once again

Happy to just be free

How long can it last

Before we are reminded

Darkness is in our past

Where does this leave us now

We won just a battle 

Now we have a war to win but how

When does it stop

Fighting these voices 

Or the emotions that drop

It's clear now we need an out

Where do we go from here

A big empty sea with no one about

Suddenly it all becomes too much 

And how could anyone help

When even we can't bear human touch

Throw me a lifeline 

No don't, just leave me

One day I'll be just fine

I lied I can't survive this way

Pictures of memories in my head 

I have no strength for another day

Try as the demons might 

I've made it this far

I realize this is not a fight

This is my life

It's not impossible

To rise above the strife

Give me a lesson I'll learn it well

This is an experience I won't forget

Let me live a life outside this hell.

I no longer want to be trapped

By feelings or thoughts

Lost and left scrapped

Made bare with each salty blow 

Life is full of wounds to take

Worst are the stones below

Cut my feet the more I sink

Negative infection sets in

Don't give up I say and think

I need support as I give it

Many drift the same path

Some paralyzed in it

Family isn't always blood that binds

It’s friends you don’t let drown

Save one another from the tides

Keep my mind in check once again

Hold my struggling hands steady

Itching for a familiar stinging pain

Pushing through churning tides 

Climb from the numbing waters 

You know friend what time bides

Even icy my heart won’t break

Seeing everything is going wrong

Darkness labels us as a freak

If I must I’ll carry the burden

Make sure you survive first

Show you what it takes to warm this organ

Not who let you fall into darkness

Nor those who ignored the signs

Adventure beyond your fortress 

Love is hard if you can’t love yourself

Ignore old or familiar look for new

Underneath is a tender core to one’s self 

Be true to all you are to find a purpose

Keep on without looking back

Lest chilling sweeping waters surface 

It may be an imperfect way to see

But the darkness can’t have you 

As it certainly can’t have me

A mentor, old soul, or stubbornness 

Whichever made me keep fighting

To overcome a time of lusterless

Be proud of the fight

The newfound purpose and life

Yet be humble to others’ plight

This is not just a battle 

This is a war 

Don’t let a swallowed soul unravel